Shotgun Marriage (Leadville, Co. Book 3) Page 20

Tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. “Don’t you understand? That’s precisely what I don’t want. Being kissed was wonderful, and I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life never having that again. You deserve a woman who will love you, just as much as I deserve a man who will do the same for me.”

  She took a breath, strengthened by finally being able to express the feelings deep in her heart. “I want to be kissed with the passion of a man who loves me. I want to be a man’s choice, not a decision he was forced into.”

  Wiping the tears from her cheeks, Emma Jane looked at him. “Isn’t this what you told me you wanted for your own life? I care enough about you to want that for you, just as I hope you want that for me. Our happiness is between the two of us. So let’s give that to each other as a final gift.” She drew a bolstering breath, then went on. “I’ll figure out what to do about caring for Moses, but I can’t spend the rest of my life making us both miserable simply for the sake of living the good life.”

  Silence echoed through the room. She could almost hear Jasper’s heart beating—or was that her own?

  “All right,” he finally gritted out. “If that’s what you truly want, I’ll see about getting an annulment. As for how you’ll support yourself, I won’t let you do without. My family won’t like it, but I’ll see that you get a house and a small amount of money to get you by each month.” He rubbed a hand over his eyes. “I suppose I bear my own share of the blame for this mess, and I won’t have you suffer for it.”

  His acquiescence should have been a victory, but the heaviness tearing at her heart felt like she’d just lost everything.

  * * *

  The words were harder to say than Jasper thought they’d be. But he’d been up all night, reading Emma Jane’s Bible, unable to sleep. He’d been trying to figure out what to do about her and his growing feelings for the wife he hadn’t been sure he wanted.

  One section in particular, 1 Corinthians, talked about love. Had he shown patience to Emma Jane? Kindness? Long-suffering?

  The desperation with which she made her arguments made it clear that Emma Jane found no joy in her marriage to him. And why would she? He’d never shown her any of the things the Bible said about love. Foolishly, he’d believed that giving her his name would be all she needed, but he could see now how he’d sold her short.

  Miserable. That was the word she’d used to describe their marriage.

  “Are you sure?” Emma Jane looked at him as though she wasn’t confident she’d heard him right.

  “Yes. I never meant you any harm, I hope you know that.”

  “I never meant you any harm, either,” she whispered.

  He knew that now, deep down in his soul, and he wished he’d been able to see it sooner, rather than thinking the worst of her. Of course her falling into the mine had been an accident. He didn’t even need to ask to know.

  “I know,” he said thickly, watching her expression for any sign that she might believe him. “I’m sorry if I conveyed otherwise.”

  Emma Jane sat on a chair, her skirts whooshing with the movement. “For two people who never meant to hurt each other, we’ve sure caused a lot of damage, haven’t we?”

  He pulled up the chair next to her and sat beside her. “Nothing that can’t be repaired. I’d still like us to be friends.”

  Friends. Actually, he wanted more. Much, much more. The memory of her kiss burned in his brain, and he knew he’d never again have the like. At least not from anyone but her. But for now, he knew what he had to do. Start over. Just like Stephen said. Court her. Be her friend.

  “I’d like that, too.” She smiled at him, one of the same smiles that had stirred something deep inside him, telling him that Emma Jane was a treasure he couldn’t let go of.

  The door on the side of the kitchen opened, and Abigail entered, carrying the baby.

  “I thought I heard voices in here.” She smiled, then yawned. “This happy little fellow has been up for a while now. He’s fed, changed and gurgling happily.”

  Abigail handed the baby to Emma Jane, whose mood seemed to immediately lift just by having the baby in her arms.

  Jasper should have paid more attention to the effect the baby had on her. He’d already known, he supposed, but he’d been too busy fighting the battle to really acknowledge how good Emma Jane was with the little guy.

  “You look like you could go back to bed,” Emma Jane said to Abigail, cuddling the baby. “Why don’t you get some rest and I can help your mother prepare breakfast?”

  “I couldn’t do that.” Abigail frowned. “I need to earn my keep.”

  “You’ve been doing that, and more. After all, without you, I don’t know what I would have done for Moses.”

  The two women exchanged smiles that spoke of their bond shared over the baby.

  “You know I’m delighted to care for him.” Abigail looked at Emma Jane, then over at Jasper. “In fact, that’s something I’d like to talk to you both about.”

  Jasper’s stomach knotted. He’d known Emma Jane and Abigail had become close over the past couple of days, but this felt like an ambush. Had Emma Jane already been making plans to leave him?

  “As you know, Charles and I have been living here with my parents, and as much as I love my family, it’s not the best situation for Charles. I was hoping that we could return to town with you, and I could...” She hesitated, twisting her hands in front of her.

  “That is, it’s a pleasure to help with Moses, but if you could give me employment as his wet nurse, then Charles would have the opportunity to find a job in town and we could eventually have a home of our own.”

  The woman’s unease only served to make the knots in Jasper’s gut tighten. Why was his automatic response to question Emma Jane’s integrity? Especially when he knew better.

  He looked over at Emma Jane, whose face was downcast at Abigail’s request. To say yes to Abigail meant that Emma Jane couldn’t stay here. But to say no would be cruel to her friend, even if it gave Emma Jane what she wanted.

  But at least it would help with Jasper’s quest.

  “We would be delighted to have you,” he said smoothly, looking over at Emma Jane. “In fact, I would be willing to arrange an interview for Charles at my father’s bank. Your husband is an amiable fellow, and if there’s a position available, I’m sure he’d get on just fine.”

  Abigail’s face lit up. “You would do that for us?”

  “Of course I would. This is the second time your family has taken us in, and I can’t tell you what it’s meant to me.”

  Then he looked at Emma Jane, who was most likely put out that he’d spoiled her plans without discussing them with her first. Even now, that was still the trouble. They both acted, thinking it was in everyone’s best interests, but never talked about it.

  Which was where everything always went wrong.

  “As far as helping Emma Jane with the baby, I have no objection, but I’m sure that’s something she’ll want to work out with you.” He stole a glance at Emma Jane, whose attention remained fixed on the baby rather than the conversation.

  Yes, she was angry. Using the baby as something to hide behind while she gathered her thoughts. Again.

  “Although I will say, in case Emma Jane has any concern over finances, that she is fully authorized to pay whatever she feels is best. I trust her completely, and you have my word that I will pay whatever sum the two of you settle on.”

  He watched Emma Jane for any sign of acknowledgment that he was trying his best to give her what she wanted. That he would provide for her needs as well as the baby’s.

  Finally, Emma Jane looked up. Slowly. Her face shadowed, but not so much as to hide the tears forming in her eyes.

  “I had hoped to remain here for a while longer.”

  “I’m afraid that isn’t a good id
ea,” Stephen’s voice boomed across the kitchen. “I’ve been thinking a lot about your situation, and based on Jasper’s description of the gang’s hideout, it’s not far from here. I wouldn’t be surprised if they come here, looking for you.”

  The knot that had formed in Jasper’s gut clenched, nearly ripping him in two. Why hadn’t he considered the danger he might be putting others in?

  “I am so sorry,” he said slowly. “I hadn’t thought of the fact that your family might be in danger. Please forgive me.”

  Stephen waved his arm. “Nonsense. Of course we would help you. But if the bandits come here looking for you and find Emma Jane here, there’s no telling what danger she’d be in. I think the best move is to head back to town, where you can alert the sheriff, and everyone will be safe.”

  The older man’s words made sense, if only they didn’t cause such a look of despair on his wife’s face.

  His wife.

  Jasper had finally gotten used to the word, and now it seemed, if Emma Jane had her way, it wouldn’t be applicable at all.

  But he would find a way to change her mind and win her back. Well, maybe not back, since he’d never had her to begin with.

  “You’re right,” Jasper answered smoothly, then turned to look at Emma Jane, hoping to reassure her that he’d been on her side this whole time. “I’m sure the bandits are mighty angry that we got away, and if they manage to catch my wife alone, I don’t even want to think about what they’d do.”

  He reached out and took her hand. “I’m sorry, Emma Jane, but you’re going to have to come back to town with me.”

  Then Jasper looked back up at Stephen. “We’d just been talking to Abigail about the possibility of bringing her and her family with us to town. We still need a wet nurse, and I’m sure we can find a position for Charles. Would you be able to spare them?”

  The older man nodded slowly.

  But when Emma Jane squeezed Jasper’s hand back, he had hope that things wouldn’t be as bad as he feared.

  “Please say yes,” Emma Jane said, her voice steadier than it had been earlier. “I don’t know what I would do without Abigail’s help.”

  “They’re both adults. If they want to go, they can go.”

  “Oh, thank you,” Abigail said, tears filling her eyes as she looked from her father to Emma Jane, then her gaze landing on Jasper.

  “You have no idea how much this means to me.” Then she looked up, past Jasper. “To us.”

  Jasper turned his head to see Charles standing in the doorway. The poor fellow had just had his entire life rearranged, and he hadn’t been part of the conversation. Having been resentful of that type of managing his whole life, Jasper felt guilty.

  “That is,” Jasper said, removing his hand from Emma Jane’s, then standing to face the other man. “If you’re in agreement. I wouldn’t want to force a man into a life he didn’t want.”

  Emma Jane made a noise, and while Jasper didn’t know for sure what it meant, once again he feared having said the wrong thing. While it was true he’d felt that way about his own life, this wasn’t about him and Emma Jane.

  “I appreciate it.” Charles held out his hand to Jasper. “And I’m right honored that you’d be willing to help Abigail and me. I’d rather live in town, so this is an answer to prayer. So long as we’re not putting you out, we gladly accept.”

  Jasper shook on their deal, grateful that, at least in this, he wasn’t ruining someone else’s life for his own convenience. It seemed as though all of the noble deeds he’d hoped to accomplish lately only turned out sour.

  He glanced back at Emma Jane, who’d once again turned her attention back to the baby. Would his efforts to make amends actually work? Or was it too late?

  Chapter Sixteen

  As town loomed ahead, Emma Jane’s uneasiness grew. Jasper had agreed to an annulment, but what would happen once they returned? He seemed to be just as eager as she to move on with his life. But would that change once they arrived at the Jackson mansion and Jasper faced pressure from his parents? Their biggest fear had been the scandal, which is why they’d sent her family away.

  How would they react when they found out that Emma Jane was seeking an annulment?

  The sleigh jostled as it hit another snowbank. Thankfully Stephen had a sleigh and had been willing to drive them back to town. Jasper had said that the roads were still impassable, which was one more advantage they’d have over the bandits.

  Another bump sent Emma Jane closer into Jasper.

  “Easy now,” he said, putting an arm around her.

  Jasper held her close, and though she’d steadied herself, it felt good to have his arm around her. She’d have liked to have said that it was because he offered more protection from the cold, but Emma Jane knew it was more than that.

  She liked being in Jasper’s arms. Their kiss might not have meant anything to him, since he so readily agreed to the annulment, but to Emma Jane, it had opened her eyes to a world where she could no longer exist.

  No wonder all of the girls were crazy about Jasper. His kiss had been something like that out of a dream. And if all of them felt that way about his kisses, it was no surprise that every girl in town mooned over him.

  Emma Jane had never thought that she’d be among the ones to succumb to his charm.

  Even now, as her mind kept telling her she should pull away, she found herself snuggling closer. Despite all of her warnings to her heart that Jasper was not safe, a piece of her felt as though here was the safest place to be.

  Nonsense. All of it. He’d agreed to the annulment, and even very generously agreed to provide support for her and Moses. Those weren’t the words of a man who cared for her, but of a man who wanted to move on with his life as painlessly as possible.

  Straightening her posture, blinking back a sudden stinging in her eyes, Emma Jane moved out of his embrace.

  “I don’t want to go back to your parents’ house,” she said, looking at him but avoiding his eyes.

  His gaze landed firmly on her. “We’ve been over this. You’re safer in town.”

  “I’d like to stay at a hotel.”

  The old Emma Jane would have never made such a bold suggestion. But she found, the more her ideas were accepted, the more it seemed like she was doing herself a disservice not to at least try.

  Jasper didn’t answer at first. Instead, his dark eyes bore into her like he was trying to puzzle her out.

  “Father has a suite at the Rafferty. As long as it’s not in use, I see no reason why you can’t stay there.”

  The Rafferty. Leadville’s finest hotel. She’d had tea there once, a prize for all the young ladies finishing school with top marks. Flora had been beastly to her about it, making snide remarks about it being the only way the likes of Emma Jane would be able to take tea in such a fine place.

  She had vowed that, one day, she would have tea there again, and not one person would make fun of her for it.

  Of course now, with her pending annulment and being a mother to Moses, there would be no stopping the talk. And yet, Emma Jane found that she didn’t mind so much. In her heart, she knew she was doing the right thing, which was far better than nasty people like Flora Montgomery, who always seemed to do the wrong thing.

  “Thank you,” Emma Jane told Jasper, giving him a tremulous smile. “I appreciate how good you’re being about all of this.”

  “It’s the least I could do.” He shrugged. “Plus, Father’s suite will allow you to have more space than a regular hotel room. There’s a sitting room and two bedrooms—one for you, and another for Abigail and Charles.”

  He sounded like he’d thought of everything. Worse, he sounded so accepting of the decision. Emma Jane sighed. She was right not to let her heart lead in this situation.

  Jasper leaned forward and tapped
Charles on the shoulder. “We’ll be going to the Rafferty instead.”

  She couldn’t hear Charles’s response, but Abigail turned and gave Emma Jane a quizzical look. Emma Jane merely smiled tightly in response. With the wind, it was nearly impossible to hold a conversation with the occupants of the front seat. Besides, she hadn’t told Abigail of her plans to have her marriage annulled.

  As much as Emma Jane had told herself she didn’t care what people thought anymore, people like Abigail were different. What if her friends disagreed with her decision? Worse, what if they refused to stand by her?

  Abigail smiled back, then turned to face front again. She snuggled in closer to Charles, and for a moment, Emma Jane envied her. Even though Abigail hinted that things weren’t perfect between her and Charles, they seemed happy. Abigail seemed to genuinely love her husband. Even their children, who’d stayed behind with Olivia until the weather cleared, since there wasn’t enough room in the sleigh, were a part of that deep, abiding love.

  Would Emma Jane have that for herself? The annulment would free her to marry again, but would a man be willing to love both her and Moses? She adjusted the blanket around the baby, cradling him closer to her. If only Jasper had been willing to accept the boy as his own.

  She sighed. That wasn’t their entire problem, but it sure had complicated matters.

  “None of that,” Jasper said, putting his arm around her again. “We’re almost to town, and I’ve promised that I’ll take care of everything. So have a little faith. Everything will work out all right.”

  For him, perhaps. He still had the Jackson fortune as inducement for someone to marry him.

  Emma Jane’s breath caught. Could she stand to see another marrying Jasper? She stole a glance at him. Would he be so easily trapped into marriage again? Or would he finally find someone to love?

  Part of her wanted to see Jasper happy. Part of her... Emma Jane told her aching heart to be quiet. The Jasper she loved was the Jasper who only seemed to be present part of the time. Too many parts, and not enough to make a whole.

  “Are you cold?” Jasper rubbed her arm gently. “It’s not far now. We’re almost to Harrison Avenue.”