Mistletoe Mommy Page 14

  Each evening, Nellie and Luke sat by the fire, drinking tea and talking about their days, but the intimacy that Nellie had seen a hint of the night the illness hit the family seemed to be lacking. There was a distance in Luke, and Nellie couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Was he angry at having to accept help from the Fitzgeralds?

  Nellie shook her head. The two families seemed closer than ever, and she knew that Seamus had been trying to convince Luke to return to church for Christmas. She would be singing with the choir, and the children were going to be doing something special for the congregation, as well. Luke had resisted when Nellie had invited him, but Seamus continued to persist.

  “Tandy?” Maeve pointed to Taylor’s Mercantile, where the family did most of their shopping. Mrs. Taylor was a generous woman who spoiled each of the children who came in with a small piece of candy.

  “Not today. I think you are sweet enough, and we must hurry to get to the school in time. The children have a recitation for the families, and we don’t want to miss it.”

  Maeve’s brow furrowed, but she didn’t fuss.

  As they crossed Harrison Avenue, a group of women from church waved at her.

  “Nellie! Are you going to the school? Walk with us,” Annabelle greeted her warmly.

  As Nellie approached, she saw that Flora Bellingham was in the party. Nellie sighed. Though Flora had nothing to do with Diana’s death, Nellie knew that Luke still blamed her because her husband had owned the mine where Diana had been killed. Luke hadn’t told Nellie all the details, but a dark look crossed his face whenever the Bellingham name was mentioned. Nellie had done her best to be polite at church, but she’d very carefully avoided talking to the other woman out of respect for her husband.

  But it would be rude to ignore Annabelle’s offer. And even ruder not to smile back at Flora when she chimed in with a cheerful “Yes, please do join us.”

  “I’d be delighted,” Nellie said, stepping in with the group, grateful there were several other ladies present, including her new friend Laura, with whom she could easily converse.

  Only, Nellie found herself next to Flora, who smiled shyly at her. “I’m so glad I get to spend time with you, even if it’s just for a moment. I’ve been eager to make your acquaintance.”

  And Nellie had been avoiding it. “Thank you. That’s kind of you to say.”

  She hoped her answer was enough to be polite but not draw Flora into conversation. Luke was going to try to leave work to watch the children’s program, but they were still backed up from everyone being out due to illness, and he didn’t know if Seamus would let him go.

  If Luke saw Nellie with Flora, it might disturb the already fragile peace they’d found in their relationship.

  “I do hope you don’t think me impertinent, but I would dearly love to get to know you better. After everything that’s happened, I want to know, that is, I need to know, how Mr. Jeffries and the children are doing.”

  Nellie tried not to sigh. This was exactly the sort of discussion she was not prepared to have, particularly without discussing it with Luke first, and in the middle of town to boot.

  “I appreciate your concern. However, I mean no disrespect when I say that I know what you’re asking, and it’s not something I’m comfortable discussing here. In fact, it might be best if you had your husband address the matter with mine.”

  Flora looked put out at her answer. “But that’s the trouble. Your husband refuses to speak to him, or anyone else for that matter, about what happened. The Jeffries family has been an important part of our community, and Mr. Jeffries has cut everyone off. It was such a blessing when you came, bringing the children to church and becoming involved in our community. But there’s still a piece missing, and we want to find a way to reconciliation.”

  Nellie almost didn’t hear Flora’s last words, because she saw Luke striding toward them. He’d obviously seen Nellie speaking with Flora.

  “Papa!” Maeve tugged at Nellie’s hand to pull her toward Luke.

  “I’m sorry,” Nellie said to Flora, hoping her words were loud enough for Luke to hear. “Any reconciliation you desire will have to be with my husband directly.”

  Turning, Nellie ran smack into Luke’s steely chest.

  “Just what do you think you’re doing?” he asked, his voice full of anger as he stepped away from Nellie.

  “Luke, I—”

  “Not you.” He barely glanced at Nellie as he turned his gaze on Flora. “You. Tell your father, your husband and your pastor to stop. Money cannot replace what was taken from me, and none of your pretty words can ease the pain in my heart.”

  Then he looked over at Nellie briefly before he faced Flora again. “And leave my wife out of this. I’ve allowed, no, encouraged, her to become involved in the church, and to bring the children along. But they will not be part of your pathetic attempts to make right that which can never be made right. Am I clear?”

  Nellie put her hand on Luke’s arm. “Of course. I did nothing to encourage this.”

  For a moment, she was tempted to ask him to at least consider letting her hear Flora out, but the anger flashing in his eyes told her it would be a lost cause. Hadn’t she learned not to go against a man in a foul temper? True, Luke had never harmed her in any way, but that didn’t mean that given proper provocation, he wouldn’t.

  “I know,” he said. “You’re much too kind and generous to refuse anyone, but in this, I must ask you to avoid associating with this woman. It’s clear her motives aren’t about befriending you, but trying to make up for what was done to Diana.”

  Something in Flora’s eyes said that Luke was wrong, but clearly Flora didn’t understand the depth of Luke’s grief.

  “I am so tired of this!” Ellen pushed past Flora to stand in front of Luke. “You keep blaming the church. You keep blaming the Bellinghams. But you know who you should blame? Me. Diana didn’t want to spend the day at a dirty, stinky mine. However, I’d signed up for the trip, and I was missing her dreadfully, so I begged her to come for a day. The pastor assigned us to wash dishes at the creek. But I knew Diana hated washing dishes, so I asked Flora to trade jobs with us. I was the one who decided we would be serving water. Not Flora. Not the pastor. Not George Bellingham. Me.”

  Fire flashed in Ellen’s eyes, and Nellie could see the pain her friend had been silently suffering. She’d known that Ellen had been in the accident with Diana, but the depth of what she’d experienced hadn’t occurred to Nellie until now.

  Luke tensed under Nellie’s hand, and Nellie gave him a gentle squeeze. Oh, she knew she wasn’t the woman he wanted, but at least she could give him some comfort.

  “And because you need someone to blame so badly, let me tell you what I haven’t told anyone other than God and the pastor, because it hurts so much when I think about it. I lived, and Diana died, because Diana pushed me out of the way. Had she not pushed me, I would be dead, and Diana would still be here. So stop hating them, and hate me instead.”

  Luke didn’t say a word. Nellie looked up at him to see that he was staring at Ellen with an expression she didn’t recognize. When she turned her gaze to Ellen, she saw tears running down her friend’s face. Nellie’s heart ached as she longed to reach out and comfort her friend, but she knew that she had to be there for her husband.

  Some of the ladies whispered among themselves, and Flora took Ellen by the arm, wrapping her arm around the other woman and leaning to speak in her ear. At least someone could comfort Ellen. From Nellie’s conversations with her, she knew that Ellen counted Flora as a very good friend. So, whatever the full details of the accident, clearly the two women had been able to forge a friendship despite what had happened. Maybe there was hope for Luke finding healing after all.

  Annabelle stepped forward. “I don’t mean to interfere, but Luke looks like he could use a private moment. We’r
e having a bunch of children over at the parsonage after school, so why don’t I take Maeve with us to the school, and she, Ruby and Amos can spend the rest of the afternoon with us?”

  It was a kind offer, and Nellie knew that since the children were friends with Annabelle’s nieces and nephews, it wouldn’t be too much of an imposition.

  “Thank you. I hate to miss their recitations, but I do believe my husband needs me.”

  She looked up at Luke for confirmation, but his expression was blank. Clearly Ellen’s words had come as a shock to him, and he was probably reliving the tragedy of Diana’s death.

  Nellie bent to Maeve. “Will you go with Mrs. Annabelle and be a good girl? You can go to her house and play with the children.”

  Maeve’s eyes lit up. “I pway wif da chiwwen?”

  “Yes, darling.”

  Maeve ran over to Annabelle. “I come pway!”

  Nellie couldn’t help but smile. The best part of her involvement with the church was the number of children running around, and the families that delighted in them. Though she didn’t want to criticize Luke, since he had his grief to deal with, it had been hard on the children to be isolated from the time of their mother’s death until Nellie had come into their lives.

  “Please tell the children I’ll come for them as soon as I can. I’m so sorry to put you in this position.”

  “Not at all,” Annabelle said. “We’ve all been worried about Luke, and we’re grateful he and the children have you. Take all the time you need. I’m sure they will have too much fun to miss you.”

  Nellie tugged at Luke’s arm. He still stared off into the distance, not speaking, and seemingly unaware of the conversation around him.

  “Let’s go, Luke.”

  Fortunately, he didn’t seem to notice that she’d just handed their daughter over to the pastor’s daughter. Nellie had spent a great deal of time with Annabelle, and she knew that Maeve would be fine. But she didn’t want to have that argument with Luke right now. Actually, she didn’t want to have any argument with him, especially when he was clearly so upset.

  He allowed her to guide him home. Once there, Nellie coaxed Luke into a chair by the fire, where they’d had so many pleasant chats. Hopefully it would provide him with comfort now.

  As Nellie prepared some tea, Luke finally spoke.

  “All this time. It was Ellen. She killed Diana.”

  Nellie set the kettle on the stove with a thud. “I know you’re hurting. I can’t imagine the pain of hearing more about Diana’s death. But you need to stop with the blame. Ellen didn’t kill Diana. She asked Diana to come, yes, but Diana chose to go up on the mountain that day. And Diana made the choice to push Ellen out of the way.”

  Luke let out a disgusted sigh. “No wonder the Fitzgeralds have been so helpful. They felt guilty that their daughter killed my wife.”

  “Stop!” Nellie knelt in front of him. “Ellen said that the only person she told was the pastor. And I’m sure he didn’t tell them, because he’s very good at keeping confidences. They didn’t know. Ellen didn’t kill anyone. Can you imagine how horrible she feels, knowing the pain you’re in, and knowing that Diana’s choice saved her life?”

  Finally, Luke looked at her like he actually saw her. “Just whose side are you on?”

  “Yours,” Nellie said. “And I’m trying to help you so you can move on with your life.”

  “I don’t know how,” Luke said, brushing past Nellie as he got up and strode across the room. “Diana’s gone, and it feels like nothing will ever be good again without her.”

  “Then you’re a fool.” Nellie fought tears as she thought about every good thing that had happened in their home over the past few weeks. She’d thought that the biggest risk she was taking was that Luke would lash out and hurt her physically. But as he stormed out, she realized that even if he’d reached out and struck her with a hot poker, it wouldn’t hurt as much as the ache in her heart.

  Luke had told her that his heart wasn’t available, and Nellie had thought she could live with that. But the more time she spent with him and his family, the more she realized that she wanted more. At this point, though, even friendship seemed to be a hopeless cause.

  So what now? She smoothed her skirts and felt the press of the coins at her waist. She could leave Luke, but that would mean leaving the children. They weren’t afraid to love her, especially now that Nellie and Ruby had come to a level of understanding. And Nellie loved them far too much to ever leave. Especially knowing how Luke’s grief had isolated them so much.

  No, whatever Luke’s burdens were, he’d have to find a way to deal with them. And Nellie would have to carry on somehow. He’d made his feelings quite plain. Nellie’s heart would heal. She could be the housekeeper who was also a wife, but in name only. Just as she’d agreed to be.

  And to think she’d done all this in the hopes of attaining safety. Because right now, this felt like the least safe place to be.

  * * *

  Luke got halfway to the smelter before he was able to process Nellie’s words. He’d been intent on confronting Seamus, quitting his job, and then...well, he didn’t know what.

  But the one thing that stopped him was finally realizing what Nellie had said. Seamus hadn’t known.

  His daughter was a murderer, and Seamus didn’t know.

  Luke shook his head. No. More of Nellie’s words came to him. Ellen hadn’t killed Diana. Diana had caused her own death, pushing Ellen out of the way.

  Was he supposed to be mad at Diana, then? For being so reckless as to not think of the cost? The family she’d leave behind? The husband who’d miss her desperately?

  He saw Pastor Lassiter walking toward him, Seamus at his side. By the expressions on the men’s faces, they clearly knew about the conversation Luke had had with Ellen on the street. His heart ached so much. The last thing he wanted was to talk to them, to hear how he had to let it go and forgive. Right now, Luke wasn’t even sure who he was supposed to forgive.

  “Luke!” Pastor Lassiter called out to him, and Luke looked around for an easy way to avoid the man. While he spied an alleyway he could have turned down, the determination on Seamus’s face told him that the men would just follow him.

  Luke stopped. “I don’t want to hear it,” he said.

  Seamus looked at him like Luke was a child. “But you’re going to. I know you’re angry. Everyone in town knows you’re angry, and have been since Diana died. But what good does holding on to that anger do? How does it help you? How does it help your children?”

  The memory of Nellie gently explaining to Ruby that getting someone else sick just because you felt sick and didn’t want to be alone came back to him. They’d been talking about Ruby’s grief without saying that was what it was, and now Seamus was challenging Luke in a similar way.

  But they didn’t understand how much it hurt. True, it became easier every day, but it didn’t mean the pain was gone.

  “I don’t know,” Luke finally said. “But everyone trying to make me feel better only makes it worse.”

  He turned his gaze on the pastor. “You’re going to give me more of your turn-to-God nonsense. But I ask you, where was God when the explosion hit? When my wife, the mother of my children, died?”

  Seamus stepped into Luke’s line of view. “I don’t know. But I do know that in the midst of that situation, where unspeakable evil was taking place, your wife chose to sacrifice herself for my daughter. Which is the most beautiful example of the sacrificial love the Lord teaches us to have for one another. Though you ask where God was, I will spend every day for the rest of my life thanking God for your wife and the love she had for my daughter.”

  “How is that fair?” Luke shook his head. His friend had been spared unspeakable loss, but Luke would have to live with his own loss for the rest of his life.

&n
bsp; Tears filled Seamus’s eyes. “It’s not. But the Bible doesn’t promise us fair. Should I sacrifice my daughter, have her die so that we both are faced with crippling grief for the rest of our lives? Would that make you feel better, for us both to lose?”

  Nellie’s illness argument again. “No. I don’t want you to lose your daughter. I don’t want anyone to experience the kind of loss I have.”

  Pastor Lassiter stepped forward. “Everyone dies. The question isn’t if your loved ones are going to die, but when. So then, the challenge for all of us is how do we love in the limited and unknown time we have? How do we make the most of every moment?”

  The question seemed almost too simplistic for the pain in Luke’s heart.

  A wagon rolled by, loaded with cut trees to serve as Christmas trees for some of the local families. Luke knew Nellie was waiting for him to tell her what he wanted to do for the family celebration, but every time he thought about Christmas, he thought about the wonderful things Diana would do and how the best part of those traditions, Diana’s laughter, would be missing.

  How could he choose a tree when he remembered how Diana would always insist on finding the largest tree, so big it nearly didn’t fit in the house, and would make everyone squeeze around it because it made her happy?

  Luke hated those trees. But he loved how happy they made everyone else. That was the magic of Christmas for him.

  He turned his attention back to Pastor Lassiter. “And what do you do when you loved those moments because of who was in them?”

  The pastor nodded slowly. “It isn’t the same, but there are others to fill those moments, if you let them.”

  “Nellie.” Luke’s voice was flat as he spoke her name. How many times had Seamus encouraged him to love his wife instead of keeping their arrangement as it was?

  “In part. The Bible does teach us to love our wives, and Nellie is an exceptional woman. But there are also your friends, and your children. Surely you have had happy moments with them since Diana’s passing.”